What happens to a dream deferred

Does it dry up 

like a raisin in the sun? 

Or fester like a sore-- 

And then run? 

Does it stink like rotten meat? 

Or crust and sugar over-- 

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags 

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-- Langston Hughes

I was thinking of that poem earlier today.

I was talking to a friend/counselor of mine (gosh.  that came out awkwardly...).  Well, I met him through a friend, and he happens to be a counselor at a community college.  Anyhow, he was a lot of help with my college application essays, and he's just a fun person to talk to in general.

So I called him because I was unsure of how to deal with a personal situation.  We started talking about my college plans, and I told him that my plan is still to transfer to Berkeley.

He advised me to keep UCLA in mind as well, since living at home and commuting to school would make my situation easier.  He also reminded me that if I were to go to Berkeley, I'd have to worry about rent, food, etc., in addition to tuition and books.

While I understand that he wants me to be realistic and not set my heart on Berkeley if it's not gonna happen, I just can't resign myself to UCLA.  

I don't want to go to community college.  But I have no choice.  BUT I am more than willing to do so for Berkeley.  UCLA is not as efficient a motivator.  I already deferred my dream of going straight to Berkeley.  I am not ready to give it up completely.

And when he says "Keep UCLA in mind," I don't hear, "Be realistic;" I hear, "I don't think you are capable making the sacrifices necessary for you to go to Berkeley."

But, ultimately, it’s my life, not his.  Although I would like to have all of my friends’ confidence, I know perfectly well what I’m capable of and how much I want Berkeley. 

And I know that if anything keeps me from Berkeley, it’s going to be my desire to stay near my little brother, and not the financial struggle that Berkeley will pose.