today I stumbled upon a disconcerting truth.

As I've already said, I was brought to this country when I was four years old. That was my parents' crime, not my own, as a four-year-old cannot be found guilty of a crime.

And, until 23 days ago, I was still a child, in the eyes of the law.

The day after my birthday, I chaperoned my younger brother's field trip to the California Science Center. As I was sitting in the bus, waiting for it to depart, the bus driver's voice jolted me back from my sky-watching.

"Adults, the emergency exits are..."

And all I could think was, Holy crap. When he says "adults," he means me! If something should happen, I can't look around to find someone to take care of me. I have to take care of the 8 children assigned to me.

I had a similar, but scarier revelation today.

I have enjoyed some simple perks of legal adulthood. I can light up my Djarum and know that, though my friends may (rightly) criticize my smoking, I am completely at liberty to ruin my lungs if I want to. And I do.

I'm also going out tomorrow night with someone whom I couldn't legally go out with 23 days ago (but, as I've learned, laws don't always make sense).

So, there have definitely been benefits.

But as I rinsed my hair in the shower today (why do these epiphanies always come when I'm naked?), I thought of how children can't be criminals. Ergo, I did not commit a crime when I illegally entered this country 14 years ago.

But I am not a child anymore.

I am now-- legally, at least-- an adult.

And, as such, I am completely responsible for my actions (or lack, in this case).

So, there are those who would say that, as an adult, I now have the duty to do the "right" thing and return to Mexico.

But I can't do that. I'm not even sure that's ever crossed my mind as a possibility. And, I can assure you, as people here may question my "American-ness" because of my lack of a 9-digit number, I've had my "Mexican-ness" questioned more times than I can count. (Never, I am proud to report, has my humanity been questioned-- at least, not explicitly or directly).

So, that little birthday means that my illegal status is now my fault, not my parents'.

Happy Birthday to me...