As Time Goes By

I have one week of loafing around the house left, and I'm going to miss it.

I am starving for a sense of structure, and the sense of purpose school gives me. On the other hand, I get carried away sometimes and let myself get completely absorbed by schoolwork. I don't want to do that, but even if I maintain a balance, I'm still going to have less time to spend with friends once my classes start.

Another source of anxiety lately has been my half-birthday coming up. Normally, I don't keep track of half-birthdays, but this one is significant. Once I've been in this country illegally six months after my birthday, I'm subject to a three-year ban on re-entry if I leave the country. Once I hit my 29th birthday, that ban is extended to ten-years. This is something that sticks in the back of my head, and I'm having trouble focusing on everyday things. Hopefully, school will keep me occupied and relatively calm.

School in itself is not without it's anxiety-producing aspects at this moment, however. Today I deactivated my facebook account because I couldn't stand to look at all the posts about packing, the excitement over moving out, and meeting dormmates. I am happy for people I know whom are moving out and moving on, as it were, but it's too much for me to look at what I feel should have been mine also.