AwesomeBlog540

I do not love you, except because I love you

2009-09-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

That's the opening line from Pablo Neruda's Love Sonnet LXVI.

I've always loved this particular poem of his, because it speaks to the depth and complexity of love. The fire that consumes one is often romanticized, but it is not always a rosy experience. Anywho, I recorded the poem -- in the original Spanish-- for Read To Me Tuesday a couple of days ago, on my other blog, Things My Brother Says. Enjoy here.

It's a great day for America

2009-09-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

A couple pf nights ago, Craig Ferguson delivered this wonderful monologue at the beginning of his show:

I think that last line is particularily relevant to many of us. "We are more than a country. We are a dream."

I consider myself an American, and this country is no less than a dream. It has its faults, to be sure, but I honestly believe there is no other place like this in the world. People do not flock to other countries like they do-- still, after more than two hundred years. People do not just pack up and leave their home country-- like my parents did-- for no reason. I did not choose to come to this county, unlike my parents. But I am choosing to stay and fight for my right to stay, because I think it's worth the fight. Even if, like Sisyphus, I am faced with a futile task, I will keep rolling my boulder up that mythical hill for as long as the slightest hope for success exists.

As Time Goes By

2009-08-21T22:53:00.000-07:00

I have one week of loafing around the house left, and I'm going to miss it.

I am starving for a sense of structure, and the sense of purpose school gives me. On the other hand, I get carried away sometimes and let myself get completely absorbed by schoolwork. I don't want to do that, but even if I maintain a balance, I'm still going to have less time to spend with friends once my classes start.

Another source of anxiety lately has been my half-birthday coming up. Normally, I don't keep track of half-birthdays, but this one is significant. Once I've been in this country illegally six months after my birthday, I'm subject to a three-year ban on re-entry if I leave the country. Once I hit my 29th birthday, that ban is extended to ten-years. This is something that sticks in the back of my head, and I'm having trouble focusing on everyday things. Hopefully, school will keep me occupied and relatively calm.

School in itself is not without it's anxiety-producing aspects at this moment, however. Today I deactivated my facebook account because I couldn't stand to look at all the posts about packing, the excitement over moving out, and meeting dormmates. I am happy for people I know whom are moving out and moving on, as it were, but it's too much for me to look at what I feel should have been mine also.

Got it!

2009-07-31T23:46:00.000-07:00

"It" being my Consular ID, issued by the Mexican Government. At least, that's what the back of my Matricula (as it's also known) says. More specifically, it says, "The bearer [that's me!] is a Mexican National living abroad. This is an ID issued by the Mexican Government."

I like that phrasing. From now on, I'm going to refer to myself as a " Mexican national living abroad," not as an "undocumented immigrant/student." "Mexican national living abroad" is reminiscent of exiles, I think. It's more straightforward, and less negative. It defines me by where I belong, and where I don't reside, as opposed to defining me by where I reside and don't belong.

Semantics aside, it's good to have my Matricula now. I'm a legal adult (yikes!) and I need some form of government ID.

Were I 21 and had no ID, I would not be able to buy alcohol (the horror!). I'm not 21 yet, though, but my Matricula doesn't expire for 5 years, so that won't be a problem. What I can do now is buy my own cigarettes. That may be a problem for my long-term health, though. (And I have promised myself to hold off on buying a new pack until school starts again. My resolve will be tested, I'm sure). In any case, I can't wait to buy my own Djarums, and not have to convince a friend that helping me smoke won't get them a seat in hell.

The Mexican Consulate has satellite stations that travel around the city, and this past month one has been stationed in a mall near my apartment. It was open Wednesdays through Sundays, and this is the last weekend.

I went there two weeks ago with my Dad, who needed to renew his Matricula. I wasn't able to get it that day, however, because my LAUSD ID was no longer valid, since I'm not in high school anymore, and my current school ID wasn't valid either. I needed to get an official high school transcript with my picture on it, which I did. When I got there at 1:30, there were literally three people in line. Only downside was that I only had one 100-dollar bill on me, and no WaMu card, so I had to break my bill at another store because the Consulate wouldn't. Even with that detour, however, my whole trip took a lot less time than it would have had I gone to the Mexican Consulate downtown. So, I'm eternally grateful to the Mexican government that my time in a bureaucratic office was so short.

ps. This post originally published with two spelling errors; "Sundays" was spelled "Sunbdays" in paragraph five, and "past" was "path" in the same paragraph. Thanks go out to El Random Hero for pointing that out to me (even if he did seem obscenely pleased to catch me on a mistake)

Also, forgot

2009-07-31T01:08:00.000-07:00

update on the essay situation.

That class ended, and I did not have to disown myself. Left Journ100 with two 40s (one of which I don't think actually counts). But I left with some issues about J's grading. That's probably just my control-freak side taking over though...

Yeterday I

2009-07-30T23:20:00.000-07:00

phonebanked for Equality California (EQCA), as part of their Win Marriage Back campaign. As you've probably gathered, EQCA has already set out to make sure we win marriage equality in 2010.

I hadn't phonebanked since last November, when I was a volunteer for Obama for America. I actually started out at DPSFV (Democratic Party, San Fernando Valley), but the work was essentially the same. I remember being terrified when I first started making calls. We had our little scripts, and most people we called didn't pick up. It got easier as it went along. I got a couple of crazies-- those threw me off, since it was hard to believe that some people out there did (and do) believe that Obama was a Muslim or an Arab. In any case, the encouragement I got every once in a while from a supporter I called was more than enough to offset the callers who were hostile.

Best of all was the Get Out the Vote work. I loved making those calls during the last two days of the campaign. It was those calls that made me feel like I was making a difference in a direct way. Clarifying for people what kind of IDs they could take to the polls; giving them the right polling place address; helping them arrange transportation to the polls; all that was incredibly fulfilling.

I wasn't able to do much yesterday, since the phonebanking training got a late start, and I had to leave early to catch my bus. Incidentally, in no other area have I been on as many deserted buses as I have in the Los Feliz/Silverlake area. Creepy.

In any case, though I wasn't able to stay for long, I did speak to one woman who signed up to canvass with us two weeks from now, as well as do data entry in the offices next week. She and long-time girlfriend are California natives, but were living out of the state for the couple of months that gay marriage was legal here. They're back in the state now, but it's too late for them. And that doesn't make sense to me. That two people should not be allowed to commit to building a life together-- that others should decide their love is not worthy of the protections of the law-- that should not happen.

And I'm confident that it wont. Just like with the DREAM Act, I have to keep hope alive that some of the injustices I see every day will be corrected. It's hard to let myself hope, but I do believe that by the time I graduate with my BA, I'll be able to marry whomever I want in this state, and I'll be able to live free of the fear of deportation.

Taha will not be deported!

2009-07-24T20:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all the calls on Taha's behalf, the Department of Homeland Security is deferring action on his case.

Bottomline: Taha won't be deported to Bangladesh next week!

As scary as it is to hear about one of us facing deportation, I think small victories like these are what keep us going. Sometimes, it feels like all our efforts are for nil, but things like this prove we are making a difference. And that's all I need-- personally-- to keep going.

Action Alert!

2009-07-23T18:10:00.000-07:00

Three weeks ago, Walter Lara's deportation proceeding were halted, thanks to the efforts of those who bombarded Janet Napolitano, Mel Martinez and Kendrick Meek's respective offices with calls and emails.

Though grateful that he would not be deported to Argentina, the country he left when he was 2 years old, Walter recognized that, "I was lucky, but the reality is that someone else is being deported today."

Well, slated to be deported next week is Taha, an 18-year graduate of Dickinson High School in Jersey City, NJ.

Taha has lived in New Jersey for 16 years, and, unless we can do what we did for Walter, Taha will be deported to Bangladesh on July 29-- that's only six days from now!

I don't pray, but I'll certainly be keeping Taha in my thoughts. What's happening to him is my worst nightmare, and I know it's a reality that many of us don't want to face.

So, we do what we can, which in this case includes:

-Joining “STOP the DEPORTATION of Taha” facebook group by clicking here:
http://www.facebook.com/inbox/readmessage.php?t=1113465429708&f=1&e=-12#/group.php?gid=23334

-Calling DHS comment line and asking them to not deport Taha. You can use this nifty click-to-call function http://call.seiu.org/9/calldhs, or call the comment line directly at 202-282-8495

-Signing the online petition: http://action.seiu.org/page/s/meettaha

-Calling Congressman Sires's office in D.C. at 202-225-7919 to urge him to submit a private bill for Taha!

-Calling Senator Menendez's office in D.C. at 202.224.4744 to urge him to submit a private bill for Taha!

- Calling Senator Lautenberg's office in D.C. at (202) 224-3224 to urge him to submit a private bill for Taha!

-Also, we request that anyone with a connection to a local church, mosque, temple or synagogue to get a letter of support from them and send to mo@dreamactivist.org.

-And most importantly, SPREAD THE WORD!!

In non-4th of July News

2009-07-05T23:07:00.000-07:00

My latent ultra-competive streak is enjoying a comeback, thanks to a man whom I will call J.

J is my Journ100 prof, and ever since he made it a point to explain how he almost NEVER grades a perfect score paper, I have been obsessed with getting a 40/40 on one of his papers.

Ok, so it's only been a week. Second paper is due tomorrow, at 8:06 AM. I cannot change it now, bc my printer is broken. But I feel pretty good about it. If it were not too long, I would feel confident that I would get AT LEAST a 38 out 40.

For now, it'll have to do. But before this tiny summer session is over, if I still don't have a 40/40 paper, I will disown myself. No joke.

4th

2009-07-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not normally too sentimental. Because you know, emotions are so uncool (that's called self-depecrating irony, for those of you who have never spoke to a douchebag hipster). In any case, I tend to shy away from sappy shows of love, whether it be for people, ideas, or countries. I think you see where this is going.

In any case, even my unwaveringly cynical self could not help but sing but be inspired by the sight of red, white, and blue in the night sky. Not just inspired in a general way though, but inspired enough to sing to the mother of sentimental nationalistic odes... Proud to be an American. Sing, with tears in my eyes.

But honestly, I think I've earned the right to a little mushiness. I AM proud to be an American, and being undocumented has definitely given me a different perspective on what it means to be an American.

There's definitely some bitterness at times, knowing that I have to fight for something so many take for granted. But ultimately, being undocumented makes me glad that I call this country home. It may be unjust that so many of us have to go without the benefits that come from being an American, but at least we're given a fighting chance. And I honestly believe we're going to see our work pay off.

Just came back

2009-06-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

from my Senior Awards night.

I didn't feel like going, but I had the Nikon from newspaper, so I HAD to go (someone had to take pictures).

In any case, it was pretty standard. Exactly what you'd imagine. Looking at the program, and the fact that only 20 Seniors had GPAs above 3.5 was a little depressing, though.

I was mostly bored-- struggled against the very real temptation to bust out my David Foster Wallace short stories and read by the light of my cell phone.

So, in the midst of my boredom I was awarded a couple of honors though. And it was when I was up there that I realized how little that recognition meant to me. How little all of high school meant to me, really. And how glad I am to be done with it.

Comision Femenil, San Fernando Valley

2009-06-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

is giving me a nice chunk of change for my fall classes.

It's such a relief. It's a relatively modest amount, but combined with the money I'm getting from the Cardenas Family Foundation, it means I don't have to worry about moneys next school year.

I have one scholarship application due at the end of this month. And I find out about other competitions in the next couple of months... I'm going to chip away at my
savings goal until I have enough for Berkeley :)

It's all about choices

2009-06-08T21:30:00.000-07:00

I love clothes. It's a little ridiculous. I can go without doing laundry for unbelievable amounts of time, because I never seem to run out of clothes.

I also love books. I tried counting, and I have 500+ books in my room. with few exceptions, my books are all used. I experimented with drugs in the past, but NOTHING beats the high I get when I can snag a Nabakov for one dollar or a Sedaris for 50 cents (I once bought Les Miserables for a quarter!).

So in any case, I love scouring thrift stores for peculiar dresses, or loved authors. I did just that today, and I found a copy of Brief Interviews With Hideous Men for one dollar (which means that I can now finish it, since I lost my last copy of that book) and I bought THE "little black dress" to rule all little black dresses for seven dollars. I almost cried.

My second-hand love isn't born out of necessity, however. I hate the idea of using up more resources than I need to, and buying used books just seems like the logical thing to do. Furthermore, I hate seeing my clothes on other people, a risk I always run when I shop at a mall. (In fact, I have a scarf that acts as my safety blanket. It is an exceptional piece in that I love it, despite the fact that I have seen in one TWO other women).

So, my thrift passion is here to stay. I resent, however, that I would probably be resorting to my current shopping habits out of necessity even if I didn't WANT to. Essentially, my choice is meaningless, because I have no choice.

The mother of a friend once told me how she resented the religious restrictions imposed by the government on women NOT because she didn't want to wear a scarf, but because she DID want to wear a scarf as a symbol of her faith. When women not forced to wear the scarf, her choice meant something. But now it doesn't.

I know it can seem like a meaningless distinction. I mean, I'm doing what I want, so what does it matter if it's not a real choice?

But it makes a difference. There's the freedom to choose from limited choices is not true freedom.

Wow

2009-06-05T20:07:00.001-07:00

I just realized I went all of May without a single post. That is either a testament to my lack of narcissism (ha!) or my laziness (which is more believable).

Excuses, Excuses

2009-06-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

So I could start this out by listing all the ways in which I've been too busy to sit down for an hour and type something out... but I haven't been busy (not too much, anyway). Truth of the matter is, I frequently avoid doing things I like *brace yourself: cliche ahead!* for fear of failing.

Anyhow, I've writing now. Lots of entry-worthy stuff has happened in the last month (is it narcissistic to think anything that happens in my life is worthy of the internet though?).

Lately I've been struck by a longing to see my (last surviving) grandparent. My paternal grandmother is the last of my grandparents alive, and she has terminal cancer. My dad-- who had not seen his mother in over 15 years-- recently came back from seeing her.

I was never close to any of my grandparents. I don't talk to my grandmother (at ALL). In fact, I'm having trouble remembering her name right now.

When my maternal grandmother passed away several years ago, I was mostly worried about my mother, and how she was dealing with it. I didn't grieve myself, because I never knew my grandmother.

But now, I can't help but feel like that is a loss I will not be able to recover. Ever.

I've come to understand my parents more as I've grown in recent years, and have come to know more about myself in the process.

But I feel that not knowing my grandparents means that there will always be something missing from my understanding of my own parents, and their lives.

Maybe that cannot be helped, however. After all, it's hard to ever completely know another person.

I still can't shake off the feeling that I'm missing out on something big.

Hypnagogic Hallucinations

2009-05-06T18:19:00.001-07:00

Recently, I've been experiencing sleep paralysis.

I didn't know that's what it was called until today, because last night I experienced hypnagogic hallucinations. Yeah, it was as terrifying as it sounds.

The sleep paralysis first, though. So, when you fall asleep and dream, your body is paralyzed. I don't know the specifics, but when you get into REM sleep (the stage of sleep when you dream)some chemical kicks in in your brain to paralyze your body so your body doesn't do the things you may be doing in your dream. So, for example, if you jump out of a window in your dream, you won't actually jump out your bedroom window.

I already knew about this because I'd listened to an episode of This American Life in which the comedian Mike Birbiglia talks about his sleep disorder, in which he does not become paralyzed during sleep, and did in fact, jump out a hotel window while sleeping.

Anyhow, while trying to go to sleep, the sleep paralyis kicked in before i actually fell asleep. As terrifying as that was in itself, I then started to hallucinate; mostly sounds, voices, buzzing. I knew they weren't real sounds-- there was no one awake in the house, and it was late-- but they sounded real. I would struggle to move, and when I would finally be able to get up, it would be silent. Then I would try to go back to sleep...and once the paralysis would kick in again, so would the hallucinations. This cycle repeated itself too many times-- I got a couple of hours of sleep, at the most.

When I was young I used to be terrified of sleeping; I was afraid if I closed my eyes, I would never wake up. Or rather, I was afraid of the fact that asleep, I would have no way of knowing if I ever woke up. I did not believe I would actually die in my sleep; I was afraid because I knew that I could die in my sleep and never know about it. The idea of so much vulnerability and loss of control frightened me, as it does today still. There's something about sleep-related terrors however, that put them on a plane beyond regular everyday terrors. If there's one thing I need to control, it's my mind.

Stress is a major factor in inducing hypnagogic hallucinations. And right now, I still haven't found a job (an inexperienced klutzy girl with a class schedule to work around can't under-the-table work in THIS economy? Alert the media!), my dad has temporarily (let's hope) lost his, and all my friends are moving out, headed where I should be. That adds up, and apparently manifests itself in hallucinations.

I have moments where everything seems overwhelming, and I am convinced that I am not strong enough. And, trying to look at my situation rationally, I don't think I am strong enough. I'm not very practically-minded; I lack common sense; I get lost and lose things constantly. I am infinitely indebted to those people who help me along day-t-day. I know my strengths, and they consist mostly of ideas and the cerebral. My mind is not of the practical world. And when I think about that, I realize that my situation may be-- pardon the cliche-- blessing in disguise. At the very least, it is not without its benefits. Because I do need to learn how to deal with the real world. Fortunately, instead of throwing me into the deep end of the pool, the world has provided me with some damn good swimming instructors.

And while I learn to deal with the world, I'm trying to be consistent with my daily meditation, to de-stress. I used to pray, which is a form of meditation, and while I am in love-- aesthetically speaking-- with the Mexican Catholic tradition, I prefer simpler mantras than prayers provide.

Finally, being able to sit and write is how my brain makes sense of things. So I'll keep doing that (and hopefully, people will keep reading).

This "Generation 1.5" thing isn't working for me

2009-04-28T22:39:00.000-07:00

So the name that I hear floated around to describe foreign-born children of immigrants who grew up in the United States is "Generation 1.5." We're not really first-generation immigrants, because we didn't make a conscious decision to leave our countries and start anew in a new land. But we aren't second-generation immigrants either, because we were not born in our adopted land.

I gotta say though, I'm not really digging the moniker. Not too catchy.

Media, get off your swine flu obsession, and get on this! (Face it, you need a new distraction). And Raza, get on this label thing before the media gives us a terrible one like it did to Generations x,y, and z!

Panic Epidemic Spread Through Social Media

2009-04-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

So, if you're on the twitter like me (a fact I am not entirely proud of), you've noticed the that there's been some Swine Flu-panic chirping going on.

Swine Flu became the #1 "Trending Topic" on twitter sometime yesterday afternoon. It's still number one.

I'm not usually the type to overreact to disease epidemics (I haven't really lived through one worth panicking to. At least, not in this country). In fact, I rarely follow the news on these things. I did panic for a moment after I thought the cookie part of my UFO ice cream sandwich had a peanut butter in it, but that little episode lasted all of 2 minutes before I found the packaging and read the ingredients.

Anyyywhooo, while I don't normally go into hysterics over every over-hyped health "epidemic," this Swine Flu has been a little different. (BTW, that lovely sentence came courtesy of my new Oxford American Writer's Thesaurus, which helped me find a new word for "panic" or "freak-out." That little blue and white book is my best pal)

The symptoms of Swine Flu are no different than those of the regular flu virus.... and guess who came down with the flu Saturday night?

Yep. That'll be yours truly.

So I've been keeping calm with the fact that most of the US cases have been mild, and there have only been 20 (2 in CA).

And then, the LA Times wakes me up with this lovely twitter: Swine flu cases in U.S. double overnight to 40: http://tr.im/jPxa -

Haven't posted in a while

2009-04-25T21:09:00.000-07:00

I could say I've been busy, but that's a lame-o excuse. If I can find time to watch The Daily Show, I have time to blog.

Anyhow, I've been a bit on edge this whole week. My aunt went back to Mexico to visit her seriously ill mother (whom she hadn't seen in 15 years), and she's coming back this week.

I almost wish I didn't know she was coming back, because then I wouldn't have to worry about people dying in the desert, drowning in the river, or trapped in caves.

Most of the time I'm ok. I just can't afford to allow myself time to just sit and think, because that's when these horrifying scenarios run through my mind.

Fortunately, I've had plenty to keep me occupied recently.

I'm in week 2 of being back as Editor-in-Chief at school. (Finally got my perfect schedule. So they'll be considerably less bitching about that from me in the next 8 weeks...)

Unfortunately, I came back to find that no one's articles are ready, and we publish this week.

(I secretly love how needed I am though. And the stress is good sometimes.)

Also, this weekend was the LA Times Festival of Books at UCLA. I was supposed to volunteer on Saturday and Sunday mornings, but had to spend Saturday morning putting the finishing touches on my The Fountainhead essay (the top prize for that essay contest is $10,000! Sometimes capitalism isn't so bad...).

And on Sunday morning, I woke up with a fever. So I missed Culture Clash performing on the ETC Stage at LATfob.

But, on Saturday I did catch Gore Vidal speaking. That man is hilarious. I'd say I want to be like him if I ever make it to that age, but ever since seeing Leonard Cohen perform, I know what I'm aiming for in old age.

Still, it's incredible how much that man has lived through. His Kennedy impersonation was beautiful, but then again, he met the man. It was just mind-blowing.

I also got to meet Erick, the guy behind the incredibly witty and real blog Just A Random Hero (which you probably already read, but if you don't, you should @ www.justarandomhero.blogspot.com . The links don't want to work with me today, btw). I've been reading his stuff for a while, and following him on Twitter, so I knew he was a pretty cool guy. Still, it was a relief to find that we got along really well. I normally tolerate people well enough, but I rarely enjoy their company. Mostly, I feel pretty neutral about people. I find all people fascinating, but I don't necessarily want to spend time with them.

Anywhooo, E was really great. We clicked really well, and had lots in common aside from our undocumented status (as if that wasn't enough).

So, on the bus ride home from LATfob, I got a call from the Cardenas Family Foundation... I got one of their scholarships! That completed my day. Considering how much money I'll have to spend to get my Bachelor's, it's not much, but every little bit really helps. It's a bit of a relief to know I have that, especially since I haven't found a job yet.

Craigslisting

2009-04-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

Not going so well. Lots of openings for servers and hosts, but most list experience as a requirement (but I'm checking out a couple of those places later on in the week). There are also a lot of posts for personal assistants and babysitters that I would be perfect for... if only I had a car (and if I had a car, my need for a job would be less urgent). Furthermore, I'm still in school, and a lot of these jobs have schedules that don't work with that.

I've only run into one scam so far (won't be cashing any checks from any Norwegians any time soon!).

today I stumbled upon a disconcerting truth.

2009-04-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

As I've already said, I was brought to this country when I was four years old. That was my parents' crime, not my own, as a four-year-old cannot be found guilty of a crime.

And, until 23 days ago, I was still a child, in the eyes of the law.

The day after my birthday, I chaperoned my younger brother's field trip to the California Science Center. As I was sitting in the bus, waiting for it to depart, the bus driver's voice jolted me back from my sky-watching.

"Adults, the emergency exits are..."

And all I could think was, Holy crap. When he says "adults," he means me! If something should happen, I can't look around to find someone to take care of me. I have to take care of the 8 children assigned to me.

I had a similar, but scarier revelation today.

I have enjoyed some simple perks of legal adulthood. I can light up my Djarum and know that, though my friends may (rightly) criticize my smoking, I am completely at liberty to ruin my lungs if I want to. And I do.

I'm also going out tomorrow night with someone whom I couldn't legally go out with 23 days ago (but, as I've learned, laws don't always make sense).

So, there have definitely been benefits.

But as I rinsed my hair in the shower today (why do these epiphanies always come when I'm naked?), I thought of how children can't be criminals. Ergo, I did not commit a crime when I illegally entered this country 14 years ago.

But I am not a child anymore.

I am now-- legally, at least-- an adult.

And, as such, I am completely responsible for my actions (or lack, in this case).

So, there are those who would say that, as an adult, I now have the duty to do the "right" thing and return to Mexico.

But I can't do that. I'm not even sure that's ever crossed my mind as a possibility. And, I can assure you, as people here may question my "American-ness" because of my lack of a 9-digit number, I've had my "Mexican-ness" questioned more times than I can count. (Never, I am proud to report, has my humanity been questioned-- at least, not explicitly or directly).

So, that little birthday means that my illegal status is now my fault, not my parents'.

Happy Birthday to me...

More on DREAM Act

2009-03-26T20:57:00.000-07:00

Here's some more information on the DREAM Act (useful if you're trying to educate others, or unfamiliar with the issue yourself):

DREAM Act
Why Enactment of the DREAM Would Aid the Ailing Economy and Generate Tax Revenues
March 2009

The Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors (DREAM) Act is bipartisan legislation that addresses the situation faced by young people who were brought to the United States years ago as undocumented immigrant children, and who have since grown up here, stayed in school, and kept out of trouble.

Support for the DREAM Act has grown each year since it was first introduced in 2001 during the107th Congress. For the first time, the DREAM Act also enjoys the strong backing of the House and Senate leadership, all of the relevant committee chairs, and President Obama.

Why is the DREAM Act needed?
Each year about 65,000 U.S.–raised students who would qualify for the DREAM Act’s benefits graduate from high school. These include honor roll students, star athletes, talented artists, homecoming queens, and aspiring teachers, doctors, and U.S. soldiers. They are young people who have lived in the U.S. for most of their lives and desire only to call this country their home. Even though they were brought to the U.S. years ago as children, they face unique barriers to higher education, are unable to work legally in the U.S., and often live in constant fear of detection by immigration authorities.

The DREAM Act will prepare the country for a new, global economy
Today’s global economy depends on the creation, acquisition, distribution, and use of knowledge and this requires an educated and skilled population. Passage of the DREAM Act would add thousands of talented, motivated, multi-lingual and multi-cultural people into our workforce.

Passage of the DREAM Act will increase tax revenues for cash-strapped federal, state and local governments
Newly legalized students would earn more and pay more in taxes. A RAND study showed that a 30-year-old Mexican immigrant woman who graduates from college will pay $5,300 more in taxes and cost $3,900 less in government expenses each year than if she had dropped out of high school. This amounts to an annual fiscal benefit of over $9,000 per person every year, money that can be used to pay for the education of other.

The DREAM Act is a stimulus policy
As President Obama said in his address to congress, creating an educated workforce will stimulate our economy, increase productivity and help the U.S compete in the global economy. Students who would benefit from the DREAM Act are our future teaches, doctors, nurses, and lawyers. The DREAM Act will allow thousands of immigrant students to access higher education and maximize their contributions to our economy and communities.

The DREAM Act is a great return on money we have already invested
The students who would benefit under the DREAM Act have been raised and educated in the U.S. State and local taxpayers have already invested in the education of these children in elementary and secondary school and deserve to get a return on their investment.

Legalized immigrants youth would contribute significantly to the Social Security system The National Foundation for American Policy calculated that “over the next 50 years, new legal immigrants entering the United States will provide a net benefit of $407 billion in present value to America’s Social Security system.”

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

1. CALL - The National Council of La Raza has a page to help you call your congressional representatives in support of the DREAM Act.

http://capwiz.com/nclr/callalert/index.tt?alertid=12988601

2. FAX - America's Voice has a page to help you fax your congressional representatives in support of the DREAM Act.

http://americasvoiceonline.org/page/speakout/DaretoDream

3. EMAIL - Change.org has a page to help you email your congressional representatives in support of the DREAM Act.

http://www.change.org/ideas/932/view_action/ask_your_congressperson_to_support_the_dream_act

4. PETITION - Dreamactivist.org has the official petition in support of the DREAM Act.

http://dreamact2009.com/

5. TEXT - Text "Justice" ("Justicia" for Spanish) to 69866 to be the first to know when the DREAM Act is introduced. FIRM's Mobile Action Networkis an excellent way to stay connected and have maximum impact at just the right moment.

http://fairimmigration.wordpress.com/2009/03/20/action-join-the-fight-for-immigrant-rights/

Also

2009-03-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

I totally forgot.

Rejected by Berkeley.

I think UCLA was like a vaccine for me, though. A smaller dose of disappointment inoculated me from the bigger disappointment.

And it probably helped that I’ve been in a wonderful mood all day (I‘m going to see the amazing Leonard Cohen with an equally amazing friend whom I haven‘t seen in over 10 months).

DREAM Act Re-introduced in the House today

2009-03-26T17:03:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure if my lack of excitement is due to my mistrust of congress, or if it's an attempt to protect myself from disappointment...

Nevertheless, calm as I may be, that did not stop me from emailing, txting, fbooking, and myspacing anyone and everyone to call their Congresspeople and voice their support for the DREAM Act.

I don't think I can afford to really let myself think about it for too long; the DREAM Act is the only chance for kids like me.

For those of you who don't know, the DREAM Act would grant certain undocumented students temporary residency status for six years. If, at the end of those six years we had completed two years of college or served two years in the military, we could apply for permanent residency.

If it were to pass I would be able to work legally; I wouldn't have to think about what happens after I leave college, when my diploma-- my hard work-- will useful as a only a pretty wall decoration. I wouldn't have to worry about the possibility of being deported from the only country I've ever known as home. It would be a completely different existence-- it would be a life were I could feel safe, and have one less burden to deal with.

I don't feel entitled to anything. However, I did nothing wrong; therefore, I do not think I should be punished. My situation is not a consequence of anything I've done. I think I've more than earned the right to contribute to this country, and-- arrogant as it may sound-- I know that were the law to be enforced, and I deported, it would be a loss for this country.

Anyhow, here's a neat-o site to keep up with DREAM Act news:

http://dreamact.info/

And this is all I could find about it on the C-SPAN site:

http://www.c-span.org/Watch/watch.aspx?MediaId=HP-A-7437

I'm watching C-SPAN as I'm typing this, but all I see is Kerry shaking hands with an unidentified senator. FASCINATING.

What happens to a dream deferred

2009-03-24T18:04:00.000-07:00

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore--

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over--

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

-- Langston Hughes

I was thinking of that poem earlier today.

I was talking to a friend/counselor of mine (gosh. that came out awkwardly...). Well, I met him through a friend, and he happens to be a counselor at a community college. Anyhow, he was a lot of help with my college application essays, and he's just a fun person to talk to in general.

So I called him because I was unsure of how to deal with a personal situation. We started talking about my college plans, and I told him that my plan is still to transfer to Berkeley.

He advised me to keep UCLA in mind as well, since living at home and commuting to school would make my situation easier. He also reminded me that if I were to go to Berkeley, I'd have to worry about rent, food, etc., in addition to tuition and books.

While I understand that he wants me to be realistic and not set my heart on Berkeley if it's not gonna happen, I just can't resign myself to UCLA.

I don't want to go to community college. But I have no choice. BUT I am more than willing to do so for Berkeley. UCLA is not as efficient a motivator. I already deferred my dream of going straight to Berkeley. I am not ready to give it up completely.

And when he says "Keep UCLA in mind," I don't hear, "Be realistic;" I hear, "I don't think you are capable making the sacrifices necessary for you to go to Berkeley."

But, ultimately, it’s my life, not his. Although I would like to have all of my friends’ confidence, I know perfectly well what I’m capable of and how much I want Berkeley.

And I know that if anything keeps me from Berkeley, it’s going to be my desire to stay near my little brother, and not the financial struggle that Berkeley will pose.

National DREAM ACTion Day!

2009-03-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

I know it's a little late in the day, but call your Rep/Senator today and voice your support for the DREAM Act!

And email, txt, IM, twitter, etc. everyone you can think of to the the same.

If you live in California, you're Senators are Diane Feinstein, (202) 224-3841, and Barbara Boxer, (202) 224-3841.

Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go!

UCLA

2009-03-24T12:51:00.000-07:00

Not in.

Actually, I've been "not in" for while now...

I found out on... my birthday.

Yeah. That was fun.

Actually, I WAS really upset about it, at first. I got a good half-hour of sobbing in before a friend of mine put the situation in perspective for me. That was really sweet of him, and I owe him a lot for it (mainly, I owe him the fact that I was able to blow out the candles on my 18th birthday cake without tears streaming down my eyes).

Another friend of mine pointed out that it was mostly a hit to my ego.

I never really wanted to go to UCLA... But I can't help but equate a rejection by UCLA to a rejection by Berkeley...

I find out about Berkeley on Thursday. My hopes aren't very high, and though I'm sure I'll be upset if I don't get in, I think that I got most of my rejection-related emoness out of my system with UCLA.

Btw, congratulations to everyone who DID get into their schools!

2nd UC Acceptance Letter!

2009-03-16T16:47:00.000-07:00

UC Santa Cruz!

I'm really surprised that my acceptance letters have not made me cry (so far).

The real test will come when I get my UCLA and Berkeley letters. I hope that if I get in I'll feel encouraged, and from that find the strength to survive the next two years. But I could also just totally lose it.

I lost my mail keys, so I have to wait 20 minutes for my mom to come so I can see if there any other letters!

I DO think about things other than my AB540 status

2009-03-13T13:49:00.000-07:00

I stayed up last night/this morning long enough to watch the newly posted video of the Jon Stewart’s complete interview with Jim Cramer on the show’s site. I was hoping that the unedited footage would show Cramer to be less pathetic than he seemed on the show.

No such luck.

If I ever have to define the word “contrite” to anyone (and I am my friends’ default dictionary, so I wouldn’t be surprised…), I’ll just refer them to this interview. Same for “spineless” (but if anyone ever asks me to define that, they’ll become my ex-friend).

He had absolutely nothing to say in defense of his actions, and so perhaps it’s commendable that he chose to apologize (and apologize… and apologize…and apologize some more) instead of justifying himself.

But he seems to think an apology for past wrongs complete vindicates him.

It does not.

Saying “I‘m sorry, I messed up” does not free him from blame. Particularly not if what he said amounts to “Yes, you’re right; my network and I have been irresponsible, and that recklessness had some serious consequences for many hardworking people. But, hey, what can you do?”

Um, you could have done your jobs in the first place.

As an aspiring journalist, I loved when he justified the network by saying of CEOs, “They lied to us!”

So, they lied to you. That’s why you misled the public? Because they lied to you, and you decided that your job was simply to regurgitate these CEOs’ lies?

Ultimately, I guess he’s just not as persuasive when he’s not yelling and making funny noises.

Admissions Decisions Season gets off to a good start!

2009-03-12T19:29:00.000-07:00

I just opened my first acceptance email.

And I’m in Davis!

I don’t want to go to Davis, and I was never really worried about my chances of getting in. So I WAS a little blasé about it at first. But after about a minute I realized that if my first letter had been a rejection, I would have been DEVASTATED. So, hopefully this acceptance gets the admissions decisions season off to a good start for me!

Still, it’s only Davis; it wasn’t important enough to warrant a phone call to all my loved ones. So I sent out text messages instead : )

Anyhow, now I have to go respond to “Congratulations” texts.

Pride

2009-03-12T00:31:00.000-07:00

I ALMOST made it through high school without walking out on a teacher.

And then Ms. A happened.

Yes, same Ms. A of “gold standard” and “bi-carmel” fame.

Like I said, I’ve managed to survive in her class so far by ignoring her, but sometimes that;s just not possible. She’s one of that curious and all-too-common specimen of humanity who assumes stupidity of anyone younger than 30, and yet seldom knows wtf she’s talking about. It’s a difficult combination to suffer.

So, long story short, I wasn’t in the mood to humor her by obeying her demand that I change seats. That would amount to saying she was right. And she was not.

So I left instead.

My best friend said to me this morning, “If you were a literary character, your pride would kill you.” She has good timing with these things.

Lessons from 8th grade math

2009-03-11T11:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve been at final exams-stress level for the past couple of days, since all I’ve been able to think about lately is that Berkeley letter that’s coming soon.

I was talking to my best friend about that this morning, and she felt the same.

“I want to know if I got in, but I don’t want to get the letter.”

So then we started talking about 8th grade math class, and how whenever we got a test back, we would hand them to each other. I would look at her test, and if she did well, I would give it to her. If she didn’t do well, I would just be quiet. She would do the same for me.

And she decided that colleges should send a person along with your letter to do that with you.

Genius, no?

It’s perfect. If you get a silent person holding a letter standing on your front porch, you know you didn’t get in, AND you don’t have to read your own rejection letter (over and over and over again, wallowing in a pool of your own tears, as I’m sure I’ll be doing in a week or so). But if you got in, you have a person to scream and jump up and down with!

I suppose you would also have a person to cry with if you didn’t get in, but I think the best part of that scenario would be not having to open and read the letter, or have to say anything. You would just know.

I think I’m gonna have my little brother read my letter for me. Or maybe I’ll just pick out a random stranger on the street….

upcoming nervous breakdowns and the gold standard

2009-03-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

So I spent a lot of time today thinking about the admission decisions that should be coming next week. I’m not worried too much about my “safe” UCs; I don’t see myself being rejected by schools with 70%+ acceptance rates.

But I also don’t see myself going to a backup school. Maybe if I weren’t undocumented, and had access to financial aid, I would consider going to one of my backups. But I see what fellow AB540 students have to go through to pay for college-- working multiple jobs, taking time off from school-- and I don’t think that a school I only kind of want to go to is worth that much work.

Anyhow, I stumbled upon a not-so-cheery realization while thinking about all this; If I don’t get into Berkeley, I’ll move on and make sure that I get the grades to gain admission as a transfer student.

I’ll be sad, and it’s hard to say just how much, but I’m already getting used to the idea of a jc, so if I do have a mental breakdown, it will probably not be a crippling one.

But I already knew that.

My new realization was that if I do get in, things aren’t gonna be any better, because then I’ll know that the only thing keeping me from Berkeley is money.

So, bottom line, I have some sort of mental breakdown to look forward to around my birthday…

Fortunately, my government teacher’s stupidity saved me from feeling too sad today. I’d been successfully avoiding paying attention-- which I’ve learned is the only way for me to survive in that class-- when I heard her say “The U.S. is on the gold standard; they can‘t print money unless they have gold to back it up.” I couldn’t, in all good conscious, ignore that. It’s bad enough when she talks about the “bi-caramel legislature” (and makes me crave chocolate). I am just trying to survive the 6 weeks left in this required class. I WAS going to take AP Government and Economics, but there weren’t enough students for that class. AND, I’m told that Ms. A was the AP Government teacher *shudder.*

Anyhow, back to the gold standard. I raised my hand, and told her, that the United States is not on the gold standard anymore.

“Do you mean to tell me that the U.S. doesn‘t print money backed up by anything.”

“Yes. It‘s called fiat money.”

That went on for a while. I finally gave up, comforted by the fact that most of the class seemed to know by now that she is not someone to be listened to.

And I came home to wikipedia,

“The gold standard is not currently used by any government, having been replaced completely by fiat currency.”

Victory should feel sweeter, no?

God, I can’t wait to get out of high school.

it's surprisingly easy to meet non-existent expectations

2009-03-07T20:43:00.000-08:00

The UCLA meeting today went better than I expected.

Which is not to say that my expectations were low, just that I didn’t have well-formed expectations.

I met a lot of other AB540 students, and that is in an even greater comfort than just knowing about their existence, and reading their blogs.

I saw them, and I sat next to them, and we talked!

So they are definitely real.

They were mostly UCLA students, but I also met a fellow high school senior. I’m really excited to go back to school Monday and continue my efforts to get the AB540 students in my school together.

Right now, however, I am most excited about going to sleep for a longer than a couple of hours (first time this week!).

articulosity

2009-03-06T23:53:00.000-08:00

I put a lot of energy into ignoring my undocumented status, and living my life as normally as I could. I am now in my senior year of high school, however, and with admissions decisions from Berkeley and UCLA (my top choices) arriving this month, scholarship applications to turn in, and numbers to crunch as I figure out just how much money I need to survive, ignoring my legal status is no longer possible.

The beginning of senior year was particularly hard though. As I was forced to face the challenges that lie ahead, I often became overwhelmed and discouraged. There was a definite sense of self-pity involved, the typical teenage “Why me?”. Reading other AB540 blogs, however, helped me put my situation in context; I’m not the only person going through this, and there are many articulate and charmingly witty people out there going through what I’m going through. And if there’s anything I can relate to, it’s articulateness (or is it “articulacy“? maybe “articulity”? My intended English major is starting to seem a little ridiculous right now…) and charming wittiness (“witty-osity?”).

I’ve also benefited from turning my energies outward, trying to find other AB540 students in my school (particularly those who aren't seniors yet), and arranging some sort of advocacy/support group. I’m making headway on that, though it’s slow work finding undocumented students. I did manage, however, to find two classmates interested in attending a DREAM (Development, Relief and Education for Alien Minors Act) meeting tomorrow at UCLA. One of them is a sophomore who I became close to before I found out about our shared AB540ness (erm… I like to make up words, btw). I’m really excited to bring her along tomorrow, because I think the hardest part of being an undocumented student-- at least for me-- is being uninformed and uncertain. I know that the uncertainty in my future is still difficult to handle. So much could happen-- the DREAM Act could finally be passed, or AB540 could be repealed. I expect that uncertainty to ever become something I can think about comfortably. I also know, however, that being up-to-date, aware, and involved gives me-- at least partly-- the sense of control that I need in my life. And I want to make sure that other undocumented students don’t suffer from any more uncertainty in the future than I do.

Now, I should go to sleep lest I fall asleep on the bus tomorrow and have my wallet stolen from me again…